"I want to believe there's beauty here...where Lord...where is the beauty...where is the joy?"
Then He gently whispers to me, "The beauty was in the life I created. Beauty is in the life that I brought home and is dancing around my throne. Remember...you named her Zemirah which means joyous melody...the beauty is in her joyous song. The beauty is in your deep love for her...in her daddy's love for her...in her brother's and sister's love and longing for her to come home...in her family...in your friends love and weeping for her..."
It truly amazes me the conversations you can have with the Lord while you are sleeping. He is speaking so clearly. He isn't removing all of the pain so we can grieve her but He is in the grieving...molding us...directing us...giving us peace and strength while allowing the pain.
Truths I cling to today...beautiful wisdom from friends:
*She was your baby. If she wasn't yours, whose was she? God gave her to you to love and to mourn her passing properly, who else would that tiny one have had if not you. So you cry and weep and what a privilege it is to do so in glory to God and in honor of her.
*She is loved and she is wanted... she was never an orphan because God gave her to her forever family and one day she will be united with her mama, with her daddy, and her brothers and sisters for all eternity and nothing will be able to separate you again...
Father, thank you for the short time we had dreaming of our girl...praying for our girl...thank you for giving me the most amazing beautiful gift of hearing her heart beat for a whole hour...for being able to feel her moving. I remember feeling like a little panicky as I tried to hang onto every beat and every movement...I can see now as I look back it was You telling me to soak it up...soak in the rhythm of her heart...I can still hear it...the teeny hand pushing back at mine...I can still feel it. She was alive...she was strong. We are thankful...thankful that she is forever protected in your arms and in our mourning we find traces of joy that we will see her soon.