2 weeks since 'the call'

Has it only been 2 weeks? 2 weeks since we received the devastating phone call about our precious Zemirah? 2 weeks ago we went from dreaming and planning to grieving and mourning. God has been so faithful to love us...give us peace and comfort...faithful to allow us to hurt but to never leave our sides. YOU my precious friends have stood faithfully in the gap and have laid us at Jesus' feet continually...thank you!

How are we?  We are still hurting...still missing her so much...there are moments that we are okay and moments where we can hardly breath...moments of happiness and moments of deep pain...moments of acceptance and moments of some serious fits ;)...moments of complete peace and moments of disbelief and frustration.

We are entering the time she was due...where all of our plans for Nov. and Dec. where based upon "when the baby gets here" or "all depends on when she arrives"...decisions we had already made because we thought she'd be here...decisions we were waiting to make because we weren't sure exactly when she'd arrive. And now we find ourselves re-deciding everything because she isn't coming home. :(  The sting of her death is a daily occurrence right now.

Our sweet little love, our arms ache so much to hold you.  You are in our every thought and dream.  Baby girl, we love you & want you so much it hurts but we know you are in the Father's arms and there is no safer place for you to be!

Joy comes in the morning...

Psalm 30:5b

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

This is a post I've been working on all week. I felt like the Lord was unfolding things for me to see...things for me to learn...things for my aching heart to grasp onto...

ever where I turn....
ever where I hear...
j o y....j-o-y...JOY....JOY...JOY

I see it on the beautiful canvas I had made to reflect the journeys to our babes...

I hear it in a story my husband shares of a friend who's baby also died young...April Joy...

I see it in a jewelry order for a sweet baby desperate for a life-saving heart surgery...Ivy Joy...

I hear it in every song....

I see it in several friends blog posts about counting it all joy...

I hear the word echo in my head all day long and all night long...

I see it in a sign I didn't even know I had...

It's every where..."I'm trying to see it Lord..I'm trying...but it's so hard! Where is the joy in this....I know you are showing me but I'm just having a hard time grasping it."

Joy: Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.....ummm, ya...so not ecstatic right now!!!

There is definitely no "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, where? down in my heart..." going on over here!!

Then I realize something...more like the Lord was uncovering my eyes to show me...There is NOT joy in Zemirah's death...so stop trying to find joy in her death. But there IS joy 'down' in my heart because no matter what...I HAVE THE JOY OF THE LORD in my life!!!!  There is joy in Zemirah's little life...joy that she is forever safe...joy that we will love her forever...joy that she IS and will forever be our daughter...joy that we WILL see her and hold her for eternity!

From a sweet friends blog: I have decided to joyfully accept whatever the Lord allows in my life.

I will accept His joy...His joy is my strength...I may still hurt but I trust Him...

My beautiful joyous melody...my precious Zemirah Joylena...we miss you...you are ours FOREVER...you will be in our hearts for eternity...our hearts will never be completely whole until we are all united together in heaven.  We still weep for you our little love but have joy in knowing that we will see you soon.