Saturday, October 13, 2012

The day after....


We are so blessed by your love and your support as our hearts are hurting. We have read every blog comment...every fb post and prayer...you have no idea how much those are sustaining us...we have an army flooding the gates of heaven on our behalf and the Lord is answering your prayers.  

So much of this doesn't even seem real. 48 hours ago, we were nesting...we were preparing for our baby girl that was to be born soon...at 11:54 am yesterday all of that came to an end..."Can I come over...I want to talk to you in person...." "what...what's wrong" ... "she's gone Stacy...she's with Jesus" ... 

12 hours later...it's midnight...I'm exhausted...I'm in shock...I need to sleep...I want to sleep if only for a bit because that would mean I wouldn't feel this pain...I was wrong...that was the most painful night I've ever had...I tossed and turned all night...was I awake or asleep...I'm still not sure...I had the song Need You Now by Plumb playing over and over in my head...I found myself with every turn crying out to the Lord...I NEED YOU NOW...I need you now Jesus...

He is meeting us here...He is loving us...comforting us...I know we have to go through this process but it sucks...

Up and out of bed 5 hours later...I'm going running with my girls this morning...my prayer warriors but I decide I just can't do it so we ditched our run and cried over pancakes ;) LOVE you girls...thank you for crying with me...thank you for sitting quietly...thank you for the laughter.

Now what for the rest of this day...a boutique...bleck...I have to try to pull myself together and go to a boutique....I just emailed the below message to a precious friend...one of the very first one's to hear about our girl...to cry with me...to pray for us...

i was so sad to hear that you came today and i wasn't here...the last place i wanted to be was at that boutique...it was so hard to be there...hard to smile and share our story....hard to see people i know and cry all over again...so painful to share my 'sample' jewelry that had my Zemirah's name and the word 'joy' all over it...i went for my trinity...my sweet girl who crafted her heart out last week...my sweet girl who is really struggling with all of this...trying to give her something normal or distracting while all along i wanted to be home holding my babes and in my hubby's arms.

i'm exhausted...my emotions are all over the place...sobbing...angry...despairing...to feeling nothing at all...back to weeping for my baby girl....this sucks!!!!

then i walk in the front door and my beautiful friend who knows me better than she thinks she does brought me my comfort food...left me a precious letter...i love you...thank you for loving on me...thank you for recognizing she was our baby even though she was never in our arms!!!

Our precious Lord is here with us...He is comforting us...He is bringing us answers to some of our 'why's'...He is here!  He is using many of you to remind us that He is in this.

4 comments:

Brittany said...

My heart aches for you. I can't tell you how much I've thought about and prayed for you all since we heard the news. We know kind of how you feel - beacause we lost two refferals. I know how hard it is to do anything, because everything reminds of you her. I I know how much you want to sleep, but when you try all you can do is think about her. We're praying. We'll keep praying. When you feel able, please post again and tell us how you're doing.

Jewels of My Heart said...

Oh, Stacy,.... I am so sorry dear friend. I just saw your post on facebook. Words do not suffice... I know there is nothing that I can say that will ease your pain and your suffering... My heart breaks for your family. I will be praying for Jesus to continue to wrap each of you in His loving arms... to cover you with His peace and comfort like a gentle blanket.
You may not know why until you are able to ask the Lord face to face... but I do know that He will get your family through this... that He will use it for His glory... and that I am so thankful for how your precious daughter Zemirah is loved and has been prayed for all of these months. What a beautiful gift you have given her... She is loved and she is wanted... she was never an orphan because God gave her to her forever family and one day she will be united with her mama, with her daddy, and her brothers and sisters for all eternity and nothing will be able to separate you again...

I wish I could hug you and make it all ok... but I know that is not possible... so I will pray my friend.... I will pray....
God's peace....
Love,
Daleea

Sarah said...

Stacy... I'm so so very sorry to read this news today. I'm glad you are experiencing comfort. That you are knowing the Lord walks alongside you even in your torment and pain. In our weakness, He is made strong. But this is so very hard. Please know I'm praying for your family and sending you hugs. Proud of you. XO

Our family: said...

So thankful that our loving Jesus is bringing you real comfort. Continuing to pray for you and your dear family.