Sunday, May 23, 2010


I have been wrestling this week...wrestling with my heart, my mind....with my Lord. The realization that we still need to raise $16,000 to get our sweet son home has caused me fear...a fear I kept telling my heart to let go off. It seems I like I try to talk myself out of fear first, then I collapse at God's feet and ask for peace. WHY don't I do this in the first place? I'd save myself a lot of anguish!

You see...when I say that God will have to provide every penny, I mean...EVERY penny!! Our ONLY option is for the Lord to move mightily to bring our son home!!!!!!

We were driving home from my sister's tonight and I heard the Lord speaking to me so clearly. I was thinking about the fact that we could travel in August/September and I got so excited but then that nasty fear thing crept in and said you still have a lloonngg way to go...where is the money going to come's soooo much money...there is no way it will happen.

Me: Lord, I'm so scared...
God: What are you afraid of?
Me: That we won't raise the money...that we will lose our baby boy
God: You aren't the one raising the money...I am!
Me: But I'm so afraid it won't come in time...I love this sweet boy sooo much...I can't imagine my life without him!
God: I have called this little one to be your son...I will provide!!!!

Then an amazing peace filled my heart...a soothing, gentle peace on my heart and mind. Then I kept hearing over and over in my thoughts..."I love him more than you ever have or ever will!"

I just love how God will allow you to wrestle but will be right there to pick you up when you are exhausted. Thank you, Father, for loving me more than I could ever imagine and for guiding my life! I pray for your perfect peace and guidance as we wait to bring our son home!!

There are 2 main reasons I posted this...1. I know I am weak and I need the Lord's constant reminder so this will serve as a reminder to me when I become scared...2. I know of several families in the same wrestling match and I pray this little post will speak to their hearts and that they will relent and receive the peace that the Lord is waiting to flood them with.


Truly Blessed said...

Then I kept hearing over and over in my thoughts..."I love him more than you ever have or ever will!"

Wow. And Amen!

Praying for you and placing my order for Solomon Beads RIGHT NOW!!!

Truly Blessed said...

Okay, having a bit of trouble placing an order - do I do it by email to you and use the chip-in to pay, or would you prefer me use your Etsy shop (I know you have to pay a fee to sell there). Let me know!

Love for Lilly Yin said...

Ahhh! I remember that feeling! And I wrestled from one day to the next. One day my faith would be so strong! The next day puhh, no where to be found. Just walk each day in Faith and look no further that that day. GOD will provide this for you. Every time I doubted I made myself listen to THE VOICE OF TRUTH by Casting Crowns.
Are you doing a fund raiser at your church? I can help you with that if you are not doing it. And as always if I come across more money, it is yours. I know where you are at emotionally...first hand, and I know you already love your sweet child.

Hold your head up. God picked YOU! out of every woman in the world he could have chosen to raise this child he picked YOU! Money is no obstetrical for God, he is just waiting to show you how HE can do it. Sit back and watch your miracle unfold. It is beautiful, you are getting ready to really see the face of GOD! : )

Erica said...

Amen. Amen. Oh and AMEN! Right there with you.

Jodi said...

Man, I'm right there with ya!

It's a total leap of faith. TOTAL.

His joy said...

This is really very sweet Stacie. I see the Lord working in you and in this situation. So glad I read your post. I loved everything you shared, thanks for being so transparent. God is blessing you in the midst of this, He is working and looking at this from a distance, He is so awesome in what He is doing in you. Your heart is so tender for Solomon, only a mother's love and heart can feel what you are feeling. I will be praying for the Lord's provision.
Love you Stacie...

Cameron Kovacs said...

When I first read the title to this post, I thought it said "Sacred". Then I looked more closely. However, you articulated the idea that when we give it all to Jesus, He turns our "Scared" into "Sacred" for His glory! May you be blessed whole bunches today! We're praying for you! Love you, Andrea

Leslie said...

tears and chills.. both

God is so good.. and I can't wait to see that photo of him in your arms... no doubt it will happen...

love your honesty.

Wife of the Pres. said...

Spoke to me.

Oh the fear that is wreaking havoc in my heart as our wait continues.

But I kNOW that I KNOW it is not from God.

Thank you for sharing so deeply.


Jewels of My Heart said...

Thank you for sharing this post with me... I could have written it.
Sometimes I am tossed to and fro by this raging sea of fear but Jesus is faithful. He is my anchor and He doesn't let me go, He doesn't let me sink, He holds on and brings me closer and closer to Him until I let go of my fears and hold on to Him....
I love that your sweet, precious son is safely home in his mama's arms... I love that Jesus is the One who brought him home. Thank you for sharing and it ministers to me oh, so much.... In my heart of hearts I KNOW the Lord will provide the funds to bring our daugther home... but I keep failing to rest in it... so silly.... He spoke the world into existence.... He can provide the money needed!
Love you sister!