Well...one of my girls :p I just love this peanut so much! Have you ever met someone you instantly love and you just don't know why...have you ever been around someone who just makes you a better person because they are filled with the joy of the Lord...this is her!!
Our sweet "Tr" introduced us to a world of hope and joy we never knew existed. After the birth of our son, we were eager to become pregnant with our next child. We just knew God had a large family in store for us. We never dreamed that our lives would be devastated with the reality of infertility. Month after month...year 1 then year 2, then year 3...frustrated, confused, discouraged, despaired, and completely devastated can't come close to describing how we were feeling as each month would pass and still no pregnancy.
I struggled with the thoughts of "Maybe I am a terrible mother and God doesn't think I should have anymore kiddos....why can't I be thankful for the one treasure God had given us....why has God given us this desire for more children but isn't fulfilling that desire...." Then I struggled with guilt for not trusting God's plan...not being content in His will for us at the time...for being jealous of all of my friends that were becoming pregnant.... It was a very dark time for this mama.
BUT little did I know that God was molding and shaping my heart...my hubby's heart....He was preparing us for a journey that I had never imagined we would embark on. After 3 years of not understanding, God clearly showed us during our quiet times that He ALONE was in control of our womb. He showed us verse after verse where HE opened and CLOSED wombs. I have to be honest...when I read all of the verses where He closed wombs, I was crushed. I was crushed at the thought that He was telling me that He was closing my womb and that we would not have anymore children. After I scooped myself up and fully grasped that God's plans for me are PERFECT and beautiful, I had peace.
Once I had that peace, I could see that God had another plan for dh and I. It took 3 years of despair and terrible sadness to realize that God's calling for our family was going to be the most AMAZING, UNIMAGINABLE, BEAUTIFUL journey. The journey of adoption but not just any type of adoption...He was calling us to the scary, unknown world of open-domestic adoption :)
I'll leave ya with a current picture of my girl...Part 2 to follow :)