Monday, May 17, 2010

My Girl & God's calling...Part 1

Well...one of my girls :p I just love this peanut so much! Have you ever met someone you instantly love and you just don't know why...have you ever been around someone who just makes you a better person because they are filled with the joy of the Lord...this is her!!

Our sweet "Tr" introduced us to a world of hope and joy we never knew existed. After the birth of our son, we were eager to become pregnant with our next child. We just knew God had a large family in store for us. We never dreamed that our lives would be devastated with the reality of infertility. Month after month...year 1 then year 2, then year 3...frustrated, confused, discouraged, despaired, and completely devastated can't come close to describing how we were feeling as each month would pass and still no pregnancy.

I struggled with the thoughts of "Maybe I am a terrible mother and God doesn't think I should have anymore kiddos....why can't I be thankful for the one treasure God had given us....why has God given us this desire for more children but isn't fulfilling that desire...." Then I struggled with guilt for not trusting God's plan...not being content in His will for us at the time...for being jealous of all of my friends that were becoming pregnant.... It was a very dark time for this mama.

BUT little did I know that God was molding and shaping my heart...my hubby's heart....He was preparing us for a journey that I had never imagined we would embark on. After 3 years of not understanding, God clearly showed us during our quiet times that He ALONE was in control of our womb. He showed us verse after verse where HE opened and CLOSED wombs. I have to be honest...when I read all of the verses where He closed wombs, I was crushed. I was crushed at the thought that He was telling me that He was closing my womb and that we would not have anymore children. After I scooped myself up and fully grasped that God's plans for me are PERFECT and beautiful, I had peace.

Once I had that peace, I could see that God had another plan for dh and I. It took 3 years of despair and terrible sadness to realize that God's calling for our family was going to be the most AMAZING, UNIMAGINABLE, BEAUTIFUL journey. The journey of adoption but not just any type of adoption...He was calling us to the scary, unknown world of open-domestic adoption :)

I'll leave ya with a current picture of my girl...Part 2 to follow :)

6 comments:

Erica said...

Beautiful my friend. Tr is a TREASURE for sure!!

Hezra said...

gorgeous!

Wife of the Pres. said...

Beautiful, beautiful!!! Both the story and your TR!!!!!!

BTW, congrats on your LID!!! BIG step!

Another btw, I was so THRILLED when I popped over to Anna's Forever Family to see your family got a grant! I know Anna's family (live near us) and she was such a special little girl. To see how God is blessing other families through her family's great grief and yet obedience to continue Anna's legacy … well just GOD!

{{{Hugs}}}

Andrew said...

I'm really curious to hear the rest of the story. I had a friend comment recently that she thought open adoptions were just plain selfish on the part of the mom, like she didn't want the responsibility and expense of raising a kid, but wanted the pleasure of still being known as "mom" even if just "birth-mom." I felt like that couldn't be farther from the truth in most situations (I know it is not the case at all in the situation I am personally familiar with from the birth-mom's perspective), but I wonder what you would say from your perspective.
-Hannah

*Overflowing* said...

Pres...we feel so blessed to have been given a grant...I know their funds were low this last quarter.

Hannah...what a sad perspective your friend has. Our children's bmom's have never tried to parent our kids. They have always been very respectful of our family and our role as the parents...the parents they chose. Hmmmm...I will be doing part 2 very soon and you have given me a perspective that I will address. I will say that having our kids bmom's involved in our lives is a HUGE gift and I am so thankful for our relationship with them. I often grieve that we will never have this with Cana & Solomon's bfamilies. Hugs Hannah...miss you guys!!!

Truly Blessed said...

What a beautiful child. I have chills reading your story (of course, I've lived the blessing of adoption so I sort of know what comes next!...)