Saturday, February 13, 2010

Just venting a tad...

Okay, so if you are an adoptive parent, I'm guessing you've heard most of these comments. We hear them almost daily. They usually don't bother me but today...TODAY I'm super irritated so you get to bear the brunt of my venting! It really irks me when people make these comments in front of my kids...ggrrrr. For some reason, people feel that because our babies joined our family through adoption it entitles them to ask whatever personal questions they want. Can you hear the mama claws comin' out???

~"Oh my, you are such a saint."
I am anything but a saint...I am a big-time sinner saved by God's amazing grace.
~"You are amazing, I can only handle the one I have." When I had one, I could only handle one, too :)
~"Wow, they are so lucky." Not quite...hands down we are the lucky ones!
~"Are they all yours?" Yep, I'm pretty sure they are ALL mine although I do lose count sometimes.
~"Boy, you have your hands full." Yes, I do but I'd rather have them full then empty.
~"Do they all have the same dad?" Yep, it seems to skip a generation in our family.
~"Do you run a daycare?" No, why do you ask?
~"Where are their real parents?" Pretty sure I qualify for a real parent.
~"Which one's are your real kids?" What qualifies the term real...I'm confused...they look like living, breathing, REAL children to me?
~"They should be with their own kind." Ummm, what exactly is their OWN kind?
~"I think it's absurd that you would adopt outside of the US when there are so many kids here that need a home?" God has called us to adopt here and are welcome to take that up with Him. There are over 147 million orphans worldwide who ALL need homes. God calls each of us to different journeys and we choose to follow His lead.
~"How can you possibly teach them about their true heritage?" Last I checked, their heritage is in Jesus Christ and that is all that matters!
~"How can you love them as much as your biological child?" Hmmm, well...let's see. Do you love your husband? But wait...he's not biologically related to you.

Obviously I'm a little irritated and I apologize for my sarcastic comments. Yes, these are common questions we receive. Yes, I have actually answered like that before but it's not my typical response. Yes, I am hyper sensitive to how my kids see me respond so I'm always very gracious and positive (well, almost always ;) It truly depends on if they are being super nosy or just curious about adoption. I had several people go on and on to me about being a 'saint' today and it really, really bothered me! I just want to scream "I am NOT a saint...I am just a simple mama who wants her house full of kiddos to love on. "

Okay, I'm done now...thanks for letting me vent :)


Anonymous said...

I hear ya. I took my daughter to get her nails done and the lady went on and on and on and on about how lucky my daughter was. She is a teenager and usually does not feel lucky to have any parent period! which makes it even more annoying for her. I corrected her several times say no no we are the lucky ones and no we are each others blessings but it made no difference she told my daughter at least 5 times she was lucky. Makes me sick. We talked about it on the way home and I just reiterated how we needed each other and God gave us each other and how some people just don't know when to shut up. We got a good laugh about it...but I know it doesn't take away the hurt.

Hezra said...

ugh, I cannot TELL you how many of those and others I have endured. Yes it IS awful when these things are said in front of the kids. Sorry sweet, know that you are loved and I am in the same boat of facing rude and prejudiced people.(sometimes they are family members!) I will be praying for you today, to be showered with Gods love. (((hugs))) but for the record, I think you are very near saint status. ;-) And to the question of hands full, I always say, um, nope we are now at armloads and I love it! Maybe their hands wouldn't be so full if they would have their kids in their arms MORE! just my opinion...

Debbie B said...

I understand well. Well except the multiple child ones right now. But one day I will.
I actually got a new one recently. I was told we weren't picky because we didn't get a white child. My response was that people are people. Of course later I came up with the best response, I guess God isn't picky either.
Sometimes people don't think and it's awful when it happens in front of the kids. Still lucky enough that isabel doesn't understand just yet.

Susanz Place said...

She isn't a "saint" at least not the way people are trying to say it to her. She is just a lady that had a big whole in her heart and she filled it up with Jesus and He in return blessed her with babies all over the world. It's amazing how if we but heal our broken hearts with Jesus what he chooses to overflow us with.

hhhmmmm good thought for this day!!!

Andrea said...

you know what. There are poeple all over who do not understand HOW or WHY we live like we do..i pity them.
It just makes me sad for them becuase they are missing out on one of life's greatest gifts.
I totally dig your answers, BTW.
when people ask if mine all have he same ather i just say YES...cause they do. It is funny! ;)
PS LWB did Adam's surgery. WE LOVE AMY!!

Vashti said...

I am 100% with you! There are days that I want to smack people!!!
I love it when I get asked.."when are you going to have your own kids?"........AAGGHHHHH!!!!!
Vent all you like!
Your family is stunning.

Michal said...

Amen, sister! Love your comment about all having the same dad...skipping a generation in your family! I've gotta remember that one! I've also said to people that since I've been adopted by my Father in Heaven, there is NO REASON why I shouldn't be called to grow my family through adoption also...we have learned from Him as our example. Glad you got to put down into words what we all feel sometimes. It's good to vent!

Happiness in Numbers said...

I'm totally with you on the irritated side. I think it must be the big family that draws in the rude remarks. My absolute worst comment that I get every time I go out with the kids is still, "WOW, better you then me." My response is always, "I know." Anyone with the guts to say some of the questions you listed doesn't understand the love and strength God gives us for every child he has blessed us with. As for saying those things in front of the kids. I explain to my kiddos every time that people in our area are not use to large families.

Suzette said...

Beautiful answers to common questions! I think it really takes a total focus on our Father to not get carried away when the questions come. I'm afraid I may have even been one that asked the questions before my Savior changed my heart. He made all the difference and I just have to pray that my family can be a reflection of His beauty to those that just don't get it. Hopefully others will be drawn to adopt when they see our hearts.