Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a commonly un-diagnosed neurological disorder. A lot of children that have been institutionalized suffer from some form of SPD BUT it can affect biological children, too. It took us TWO years of major daily meltdowns until we figured out what was going on with our sweet girl (adopted from China at 14 months old).
She has been regressing and we are full swing into daily meltdowns again...below are my thoughts from her latest meltdown...thoughts that I felt very strongly the Lord wanted me to journal because there is someone who reads my blog and their child...their family is in the dark days of SPD meltdowns but don't know what it is....please be sensitive to our family's privacy and not gossip about our girl (sad I have to say this but it's happened)...I am sharing this because I have no doubt the Lord wants to use this to help other child and their families. SPD can be a very difficult, scary, painful, dark place to live. We are very thankful for EVERY part of our miracle girl...including her SPD...the Lord is already using her little life mightily!!!
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She starts crying…lots of stiff, foot stomping crying…crying
‘mommy, mommy, hold me’…it’s the beginning of a meltdown. Of course, I immediately bend down and scoop up my precious crying babe…but what’s different about this cry? The
cause? It’s sensory processing disorder…it’s a cry and pain that can not be
comforted…a cry that can’t be stopped…a cry that the more you try to comfort
and soothe, the more intense and raging it becomes… a cry that is actually
more like a blood curdling scream…a continual scream that will only stop when
her body has fully let it all out…spd is holding her hostage in her own body…
I pick up my crying babe just for her to start screaming
‘don’t touch me, put me down’…I put her down…she changes her screams of ‘put me
down’ to ‘I want to hold you…hold me, hold me’ and this goes on for at least 40
minutes sometimes much longer. We sit in
a chair as she screams and kicks…fighting me, fighting herself the entire time…her
body is extremely tight, rigid, stiff…she clings to me for dear life and pushes
me away at the same time. We try walking around but it's extremely difficult to carry her because of the intense kicking. The love that a mama normal pours out for her hurt child…the
singing, the caressing, the holding, the kissing, the whispers, the beautiful
loving actually causes my girl to spiral even deeper.
She kicks violently, she slaps my legs until they are red,
she frantically rubs her feet together until they are raw and almost bleeding…I
try to protect her, I try to hold her feet…separate her feet…anything to keep
her from rubbing them together…but her adrenaline is raging...the child that
has hypotonia is just about stronger than her mama…the more I try to stop her,
the more persistent and focused she becomes in rubbing her feet…the more I
ask her to stop kicking and flopping her legs all over, the more she flails…the
more she screams ‘don’t touch me, hold me, put me down, I want you’…
This will only end when her body…her brain and neurological system will let her rest…when her disorganized little body can
calm long enough to get her grounded…
The screaming, kicking, feet rubbing, stomping, pushing,
slapping is starting to fade…her body is exhausted and will finally let her
rest…she collapses on my shoulder and her spd cry turns into an exhausted
weep…it’s over…the meltdown is done. She
will weep for a few moments, sit up, and carry on like nothing ever happened. I
can still see the exhaustion in her eyes
but for now, her body is at peace and communicating properly…she hums and skips around as if all is well.
But this mama doesn’t forget…this mama
grieves for the deep, internal wounds my baby girl carries...for her
disorganized little insides…this mama grieves that no matter how much I try to
comfort her during these times, the more pain it causes her...
Lord, continue to heal our miracle girl…the precious babe
you fashioned and created to be our girl…the precious babe you had us fight for…the sweet
girl that we are still fighting for.
Equip us to help her heal…show us everything she needs and how we can
help her. ~amen
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Sensory
processing disorder or SPD is a neurological disorder causing difficulties with taking
in, processing and responding to
sensory information about the environment and from within the own body
*my next post will discuss the medical aspect of SPD and how we help our sweet girl heal! See PART 2 HERE*
