Saturday, June 09, 2012

Costco & Adoption

It is no surprise that our family does most of their grocery shopping at Costco.  It is probably no surprise that we go at least once a week...I think our oldest could consume our entire pantry in one day if I let him...this teenage boy thing is so new to me (I have all sisters)'s actually pretty comical to watch how much his 6' 1" - 14 year old boy can eat...YET...he is still as skinny as a rail.  WHY oh WHY doesn't that work for me...I digress...that's a blog post for another day :)

Back to Costco...obviously with weekly trips to Costco, all of the employees know us and especially know and love our kids.  They see us coming and have samples ready to go for all of them (love that!).  Anyways, yesterdays trip was interesting indeed. I sometimes forget that we are quite the mystery as a family every time we step out the door.  People are always trying to figure us out....most don't say anything, they just stare and you can see it all over their faces.  Some are bold enough to ask, "Do you run a day care?" And when I tell them, "No, they are all mine" they are usually satisfied with that answer and tell me how beautiful our family is and how blessed we are...I AGREE!!

Well...yesterday's trip had the normal 3-4 day care comments UNTIL the toast lady!! Still don't know whether I should giggle or steam.  The toast lady (aka Costco sample employee) stops us mid-shopping to offer the kids toast and the conversation goes down like this:

TL:  Hmmmm, let me guess (finger on her chin)...that one...that one right there (pointing to S, our blondie) she's yours.
Me: Yep...they are ALL mine.
TL: What, how can that be...they are all yours?
Me: Yes, maam...they are all mine.
TL: Same dad???? (in her loud, theater voice)
Me: YES! Same dad! (now I'm starting to steam...HOW RUDE...I haven't had this question in years and I forgot how much it makes me mad because of all that question implies!!)
TL: Noooo, can't be! What ethnicity is your husband?
Me: (SERIOUSLY...DID YOU JUST ASK ME THAT???) Yes, it can be and it is! He is caucasian. (I was sure her head was going to spin off in disbelief the way she was shaking her head no)
TL: I don't understand how that can be.
Me: We are an adoptive family...and I do have to say that the questions you are asking are rather rude and personal especially in front of my children.
TL: Well, I was adopted, my brother was adopted...I have 2 step brothers...although, I don't call them my step brothers....blahh, blahh, blahh....
Me: Wow, that is wonderful. Nice chatting with you...I need to finish our shopping. (absolutely baffled that if this woman was adopted, how in the world did she not recognize or even consider that just maybe we were an adoptive family, too)

As offended as I was, I couldn't stop giggling about how much fun I could have with that one. My kids even giggled a bit.  After each 'encounter', I like to follow up with my kids and make sure they understand what was happening in that situation and see if they have any questions.

These situations always remind me that we don't look like the typical family and that we are watched closely.  With that in is so very important that we are an example of Christ in all that we do...even in how I respond to situations like this. MAKE ME MORE LIKE YOU JESUS!!

SERIOUSLY....I get the privilege of being their mama...with one more on the's an absolute dream. Lord, cause our family to bring you glory!!


Karen said...

Good for you for telling her she was rude!! I would have been tempted to say - "have no idea who their dad's are" - but your response was much more Jesus like!!

Our family: said...

Oh it never ceases to amaze me the questions adoptive families get from strangers. Questions they would never ask about bio kids. Some people just seem to think interracial families are open game for personal and rude questions. Aarrggh! It is easier to be compassionate when I remind myself that they usually ask in ignorance. You handled it well and with grace my friend!

Shonni said...

Yes, you are so blessed and you are a shining light every one.

Dana said...

Yes Stacy some people just don't get it. When M&T were infants Mark and I took them to Knott's. We were just standing around minding our own business when a woman came up to us and started looking at our kids. She commented how cute they were and then very noticeably began to study our faces. M has a pale complexion like me while T has olive skin like Mark. She looked at the kids again and asked if they were twins. THEN she looked at Mark and said, quite seriously I might add, "Are they both yours?" What??? Mark and I were shocked and could think of nothing else to do but first look at her with surprise that she would even ask that, and 2nd to laugh! Again, some people just don't seem to have simple common we give them grace. You handled that perfectly!

Jolene said...

We've had questions/comments along those lines, but honestly, the toast lady went several steps beyond curious and innocent questions and entered very rude and demeaning. So sad she obviously didn't have a great adoptive experience. Praying for her heart to soften.

Rebekah said...

Sounds like some of my SAM's trips. ;) You did handle it well, and this is another reminder to me to use it as a witnessing opportunity.

Jewels of My Heart said...

Keep shining bright my friend!
I also applaud you for keeping your cool, yet explaining to the TL that her questions were most inappropriate. Good for you.
What a beautiful family indeed.
Love you,

Debbie said...

You handled it so well. Wish I had the courage to tell people they are rude like that. And that lady was rude.
I read an article today where someone just said "It runs in the family" when asked why her daughter didn't look like her. I loved that response.

Julie said...

God has truly blessed you and your family, as He has ours. I tell our 4 (working on the paperwork for #5) that we need to be a good example of a big family, as well as an adoptive family. By doing so, we could encourage others to follow their callings towards adoption and/or a bigger family in general. You responded so well to that lady. I read part of your post to our children to show them that we are in agreement as to how we should behave and handle such situations. Congrats on your growing family and may God's love continue to shine bright on you!

The Farmgirl said...

I just wanted to say hello to you as I've been a lurker to your blog for a while now. I think that you have a beautiful family and what a joy to be able to let your light shine(even in Costco to a rude lady!)You handled that with class and I wish I could have seen her face as you spoke with her:) May the Lord bless you all! In His Love, Teresa